Have you ever have a conversation with someone who is asking for help, but every time you suggest something to you they go “but that won’t work, I’ve tried it before”. It doesn’t matter what you say, their belief is that it wont work because they’ve already done it. It may even be that what they tried wasn’t exactly what you are proposing, but their beliefs and perceptions are stopping them from moving forwards.
Or maybe they were bullied at school. And then they get bullied at work, so they change jobs and it happens again. They start to believe that this is normal, this is how life is, and it can never change because it has always been this way.
Of when you challenge a behaviour they have, or something they are struggling they always answer “but that’s because of xyz”
The classic person who is “Stuck in the Past” will make comments on the lines of:
It’s because of the car crash I had when I was 9
It’s because my mother never loved me
I’ve never been right since xyz happened
It’s not possible to heal, I’ve been like this for x years
I’ve tried everything and nothing works, nothing changes
It always happens to me
Notice when you do this. Is it in reference to specific events or to specific symptoms.
So how do you recognise someone who is showing a positive Posture 1?
They make comments like this:
I have a really challenging childhood, but it made me who I am today
The accident/illness stopped me in my tracks. It made me realise what mattered and I’ve changed in so many ways. Although it was tough, I’m so grateful it happened
I learnt so much about how to manage people through the bully incident. I vowed I will never do that to someone else, and I’ve been true to my word
So do you see the difference. We all have tough things to deal with, it’s how we deal with them that makes the difference. And some people naturally take a challenge and work with it, but others get overwhelmed and go into a defence coping strategy, which means they survive, which is great, but then they need to find a way through it.
So if you recognize this as a dominant pattern, what can you do? When you catch yourself worrying, start by coming back to your body. Notice your feet on the ground or your bum on the seat. Find a reference point that is in your body, not in your head. Direct your breath into that area or if you have a sense of energy in your body, become aware of the energy in that area. Some people find stamping their feet or jumping around brings them back into the current moment.
You can use Stages 1, 2 and 3 to explore this further (all the stages will add value as you get more connected to your body, but start with the first three so that you can discover how you really do this pattern)
To join our online community click here