If you are reading this, I make the assumption that you are interested in moving forward. Who isn’t? We all have our reasons for why our lives are the way they are, and what’s keeping us from being where we want to be. The critical thing in moving beyond our stuck-ness is learning about, and accepting, our reasons for being stuck.
If we feel helpless, there is no way for us to move forward other than to acknowledge and accept our helplessness in order to gain connection in our bodies. This is suffering, or Stage 1. In this first stage, we may think we feel blocked or stuck, but it is actually very different from our concept of being stuck in Stage 3. In Stage 1, we feel that there is nothing we can do, or that anyone can do for us, to move forward.
We may feel that someone or something is the reason that we cannot move forward. Perhaps we believe that all we need is some treatment, or that some outside help can get us un-stuck. In this case we are still looking for a cause to our blockage and seeking some external force that will solve the problem or symptom. This is what we do in Stage 2.
When we are really in Stage 3 and truly experiencing what Dr. Epstein defines as stuck, we not only feel stuck, but we also recognize our involvement in the situation at hand. We can see that all our attempts to dissociate ourselves from responsibility in our lives have been giving us the same unsatisfying result. We don’t really know what to do at this point, but we do know that we have something to do with this pattern, and it is frustrating.
For example, we may find ourselves continually reaching only a certain point in healing a physical ailment, regardless of the practitioner or therapy we apply. Our relationships might always end up in the same state, no matter who we enter into them with. Perhaps our finances have ended up in the same state of debt, even though we have been steadily earning more money.
In Stage 3, in its pure form, we have the realization that, “Oh my God, it’s me! I have been the one common denominator in all these situations. I’m the one who has not been taking action to move forward. I have been stuck in one perspective and this is what has been keeping my experience the same.”
The revelation is as equally frustrating as it is funny. We can’t believe that we have been doing the same thing, blaming others and running in circles for so long. In fact, we continue to do it! We know it is doing us no good, but while we’re stuck, we may as well be really, really stuck. Maybe then we’ll get the drive to do something about it.
In fact, trying to fix the stuck-ness actually brings us back to Stage 2. It may even make us feel helpless which would bring us back to Stage 1.
In Stage 3, we simply want to feel, experience, and even intensify the feeling of being stuck. It is the frustration itself that must build in order for us to become fed up enough to finally take a new action that brings us somewhere different. We need the emotional leverage and catalytic energy to bump ourselves from Stage 3 into Stage 4—out of the Season of Discover and into the Season of Transform.
It is at the end of the Season of Discover that we are okay with observing how we are responsible for ensuring that the same outcomes keep occurring in our lives. When we accept that we are doing this and can just be with our stuck-ness, we gain the motivation, energy and stamina to move out of Discover and beyond our stuck-ness.
Original article Paul Newton, based on the work of Donald Epstein
Rachael Talbot & Olaf Frank
Re-organizational Healing, Wellness & Chiropractic in Wilmslow, UK