Reclaiming Our Power - Stage 4

Eventually, after being stuck in the same pattern and recognizing that we’ve been cheating ourselves over and over, we get fed up. We become tired of playing small and sacrificing ourselves to gain the good favour of others. When we’ve really had enough of giving our power away we say, “I’m not going to take this anymore!”

But what is the “this”? In the Season of Discover and Stages 1, 2 and 3, “this” refers to something that happens to us which we continually fall victim to. From Stages 1 through 3, when we say, “I can’t take this anymore!”, “this” is something external to ourselves that distresses or limits us. Only when reaching the completion phase of Stage 3 do we recognize that we are the ones who are supporting this pattern of distress and that we are responsible for how it affects our lives? However, even with this recognition, “this” remains something external to ourselves which we are not going to tolerate.

At this pivotal point (i.e. the end of Stage 3), we can move in one of two directions.

First, we can continue in our belief and perspective that “this” is something outside of ourselves – a problem or obstacle in our lives. Thereby, we will remain in the Season of Discover. If we continue to feel frustrated and stuck by “this”, we stay in Stage 3. If we seek cause or blame for “this”, or try to fix it, we drop to Stage 2. If we feel hopeless and suffer, we go back into Stage 1. As long as we focus on the symptom or circumstance as something that impacts us in a negative way and that we need to protect ourselves from or fix, we will continue to experience, explore and discover from the perspective of how “this” stresses our life and our bodymind. Very frequently, this is the direction people take as they are not complete with the rhythms of the Discover stages.

Alternatively, as we now recognize that we are the ones supporting the pattern of our distress, we can choose to take responsibility for our own internal perspectives, outlook and choices. Then, when we say, “I’m not going to take this anymore!”, we’ll have a new definition of what “this” is. Specifically, “this” becomes our internal response to the external “this” which happened to us in the prior three stages of Discover. What we are no longer prepared to take or put up with is the dropping of our standards and the giving away of our power. The problem is no longer a problem – it has become a challenge. With this profound shift in perspective and consciousness, we propel into Stage 4 and transition into the Season of Transform (which consists of Stages 4 through 7).

There are three phases to Stage 4. They are:

Recognition – “Enough of this / I’m not going to take this anymore”
Communication – “I take my power back”
Completion – “I deserve more than this”

The recognition phase involves the shift from the frustration of being stuck to anger for having continually given our power away. This is not the Stage 2-type anger which was directed outwardly at someone or something that we viewed as the cause of our problem. Rather, in Stage 4, we feel anger for having dropped our standards and allowing this situation or circumstance to have had such a hold on us for so long. This self-directed anger will lessen as we move into the communication phase.

It is important not to make decisions in the recognition phase of Stage 4 because they would be made based on the residual problem perspective we still carry from Stage 2, and this would pull us back into Discover. Instead, in this first phase, we only want to draw a line in the sand. All we need know is that we will not go back.

When we progress to the communication phase, we begin to feel the wealth of power that is available to us, compressed, concealed and waiting in the area where we have been stuck. This power is much more attractive to us than any concern over the harm that has been caused to us by our situation or circumstance. As we reclaim our power, and say, “I take my power back,” we simply marvel at the amount of inner energy and resources that become available to us.

As we connect to the rhythm of stage 4 we realize that we are responsible for our feelings, our perspective, we are responsible for our actions and behaviours and that we have set our life up in this way. And with the new found freedom there is no one or no-thing to blame any more. As we take responsibility for this, it is no longer the economy that messes up our business, it is no longer the partner who just never meets our expectations that spoils our relationship, and it’s no longer the boss who keeps us in our place. We now recognize our own role in things and life will never be the same again after this point.

With this newly liberated energy we gain the courage, fortitude and determination to believe in, honour and be our true selves. We realize how much playing small has hurt us. As we raise our standards about who we are and what we deserve, we move into the completion phase of Stage 4. When we say, “I deserve more than this,” we do not mean more than the situation or circumstance. We mean more than who we’ve been accepting ourselves to be. We are stepping up to take charge and play a bigger and better game.

Original article Paul Newton, based on the work of Donald Epstein

Rachael Talbot & Olaf Frank
Re-organisational Healing, Wellness & Chiropractic in Wilmslow, UK